


What does not kill you makes you stronger

by Mimisempai



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Developing Relationship, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, M/M, Mild Angst, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:20:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26017168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mimisempai/pseuds/Mimisempai
Summary: "What does not kill you makes you stronger"Sonny didn't know who invented this saying, but it hit the nail on the head. Sonny was the living proof.Sonny knows he's protected because only his soul mate, whose identity he doesn't know, can kill him.But sometimes you need more than faith to survive...Prompt : Only your soulmate can kill you
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 33
Collections: Barisi Soulmate Bingo





	What does not kill you makes you stronger

_"What does not kill you makes you stronger"_

Sonny didn't know who invented this saying, but it hit the nail on the head. Sonny was the living proof.

He had escaped death several times and that was surely what had contributed to his unfailing temperament.

However he also felt strong because he had known a secret since he was a child.

A secret that had been revealed to him by his Nonna and which resounded in his head at that very moment.

_"Our family has been blessed Sonny. Somewhere in the world you have a soul mate, and that person is the only one who can kill you. And it is said that if you were in imminent danger of death, even without knowing who your soulmate is, if you think very hard at them, their astral body could teleport to you to save you."_

It was then that Sonny decided to become a cop. He thought that if there was someone in the world who existed to protect him, then he might as well do the same for others with the help of this protection.

Indeed, he had found himself in mortal danger several times, whether it was from hostage-taking, arrests of suspects who had slipped or even car chases, each time he had miraculously gotten out of it. 

But right now, with the barrel of the gun pointed at his head, he thought that only a miracle could save him. He closed his eyes and his life flashed before his eyes. 

The key moments of his childhood, of his police school, of his work at various precincts, of his career in the special victims unit, of the moments spent with his friends, Amanda, Fin, Liv and these last months spent with Raf, until the memory of this morning

_"Raf, I think you should introduce me to your mum, we've been together for six months, I think it's more than a one-off, don't you?"_

_"Sonny..." Raf sighed, "I already told you it's complicated. The relationship between my mother and me has always been difficult. I have to find the right time to tell her and-"_

_"But when?! When will it be the right time?!" Sonny cut him off._

_"Let me finish Sonny," Rafael said, "of course what we have is more than a one-off. I think you know it, don't you?"_

_"..."_

_"Sonny?"_

_"I... I hoped so, but as for knowing, we never really talked about what's between us, Raf."_

_Rafael realized that even if he didn't need words, Sonny, being who he was, needed to put things into words. Rafael felt a little lost, not knowing what to say. He knew that he felt something strong for the young detective, but from there to make a big statement? Was he ready to put the word love on what he felt?_

_While Rafael was asking himself these questions, he did not see Sonny's face fall. When he came to, the young man had his back turned, and while putting his jacket on he said, "It doesn't matter, I have to go to the precinct now, I'll see you later."_

_"Sonny w-"_

_"Later." and the door closed on those words._

  
  


Sonny opened his eyes again and thought, _'No, no, I can't leave like this, not until I tell him-'_

Sonny saw the finger press the trigger.

He squeezed his eyes very hard waiting for the shock to come. 

_'My soulmate, if you really exist somewhere, now is the time to manifest yourself.'_

Nothing, just a deafening silence.

"Sonny?"

He opened his eyes. Rafael was in front of him, translucent and surrounded by a white halo. Everything was frozen, as if stopped in time.

"Rafael! It's you! You are my soulm..."

"Sonny we don't have time now, let me do my job, we'll talk later."

"O-okay..."

Rafael took him in his arms, shielding himself between the gun and Sonny.

"Trust me. Do not forget I'm the only one who can kill you. Close your eyes, Cariño."

Sonny did what he said. He heard the click of the trigger, then a bang, then felt himself being sprayed. He opened his eyes. Rafael was gone, the suspect was dead on the ground. Olivia was still holding the gun on him.

"You okay, Carisi?"

All he could do was nod and slide to the floor. He put his hand to his face, he was covered in blood.

He felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket. He took it with his trembling hand, it was Rafael.

"Rafael."

He heard a sigh of relief on the other end of the phone.

"Sonny, are you all right?"

"Yes, and it's partly thanks to you. I don't know what you did, but it certainly worked."

"I just gave Olivia time to get here."

"Okay, I get it. Uh, no, actually, I don't get it at all. I am a little lost but I guess I've got a lot of paperwork to fill out. Do you think we could meet at your place when I'm done?"

"Of course Sonny, I wouldn't have it any other way."

"So I'll see you tonight. Raf?"

"Yes Sonny?"

"No, nothing, I'll tell you tonight."

"See you tonight. Take care, Sonny."

He hung up.

The rest of the day passed like a fog for Sonny. He went back to the precinct, filled out what there was to fill out, made his report to the IAB. 

He was zoning out at his desk when Olivia told him to go home and that she didn't want to see him again until the next day.

He took his cell phone and wrote to Rafael...

_-I'm done. Can I already come over?_

_-I'm on my way, I'll meet you at my place._

Sonny took a taxi and when he arrived at his destination he went up the stairs to Rafael's apartment. Arrived upstairs, the door was already open. He crossed it.

"Rafael?"

"I'm in the kitchen!"

Sonny entered and closed the door on him before going to Rafael.

Hearing him approaching, Rafael turned around, a smile on his face.

Sonny didn't even let him speak and hugged him with all his strength. And in a voice full of emotion he said in one go, "Rafael, Rafael, I must tell you something right now, I was so close to never seeing you again. I really thought it was all over! And it made me realize that I have to tell you something I didn't dare to say until now! I love you!"

Rafael loosened up from Sonny's embrace and opened his mouth but Sonny continued, "You don't have to tell me back, you don't have to tell your mother about me, you can take all the time you want. But I just wanted you to know that."

"Sonny...do you ever think one day you'll be able to let me speak and not anticipate my worst reactions? Give me the benefit of the doubt please. And trust yourself a little more."

Sonny looked sheepish.

"Know that your feelings are returned and at the same intensity." Rafael said with a smile, looking Sonny in the eye.

"Oh Rafael, that's a confession here?" Sonny mocked him

"What? Do you want a big confession on top of that?" 

"It's okay, Rafael, as long as I know my feelings are returned, that's enough for me."

"You think I am not able to tell the words? Hm?"

"I told you, it's okay. You don't n-"

"I love you! Are you happy now?! I... LOVE YOU."

Rafael grabbed Sonny's hand and took him in his arms, crushing his lips in a possessive kiss. 

Sonny melted against him, wrapping his arms around his neck as the kiss instantly deepened.

Sonny held Rafael against him and responded to the kiss with the strength of someone who knew he had been near death. He clung to him, pulling himself against Rafael's body as their tongues danced together. One of Rafael's hands moved to tangle in Sonny's hair while the other settled into a greedy grip in the hollow of his back.

Rafael was defeated by the irresistible feeling of the rightness of the kiss, the warmth it radiated, Sonny's perfection in his arms exacerbated by the awareness of almost losing him. 

"Rafael..." Sonny whispered against his lips, his voice full of need, the sound piercing Rafael's already sensitive nerves. He pulled away, still holding Sonny firmly in his arms, the sight of bruised lips and dilated pupils having a captivating effect on him.

"I love you." he said, aware of the slight growl in his voice.

"I love you." Sonny replied, biting his lip. Then Sonny moved his hips slightly, pressing himself against Rafael's groin.

"Are you trying to drive me crazy?" 

"That depends," Sonny whispered, "am I succeeding?"

"What do you think?" Rafael replied, repeating the same slight hip movement against Sonny...

Sonny grabbed one of Rafael's hands and guided it down to the front of his pants, closing his eyes and moaning as the man's palm moved over his erection. "Please, Rafael," he whispered, tilting his hips to push himself higher into Rafael's hand.

Rafael caressed the hardness he could feel through Sonny's pants and Sonny bit his lower lip as he looked straight at Rafael's eyes, Rafael could see a pure and wild need, without disguise, in Sonny's eyes. He knew he was lost. He took Sonny's hand and led him to his room.

Sonny smiled at Rafael as he stood in front of his bed, and the sweet expression made Rafael melt. He took Sonny’s lips in another kiss, running his hands up and down the young man's hips. He moved to draw a line of kisses across Sonny's jaw, then lowered his lips to Sonny's neck, enjoying the sound of Sonny's breathing, which quickened and became hoarse as he did so.

His fingers reached down to the buttons of the shirt and slowly began to undo the buttons. He then slid the shirt off Sonny's shoulders.

He took off his own shirt, satisfied with the admiring look that ran across Sonny's face as he licked his lips. Rafael moved to unzip Sonny's pants. He took it off with Sonny's underwear and threw them out of the way. He pushed Sonny onto the bed and stopped to admire Sonny lying naked in front of him.

"You're so handsome," he murmured, and Sonny blushed with an embarrassed smile. Rafael lay down on the bed next to Sonny and took his lips in a deep, possessive kiss and let a hand run across Sonny's body, satisfied with the strength and muscles he felt under his palm. He lowered his hand until it closed around Sonny's erection and Sonny groaned against his lips as Rafael began to caress him firmly.

He brought his lips close to Sonny's throat again and teased him with his tongue and teeth as he caressed Sonny, then brought his mouth back along Sonny's chest, across his belly and down to a hip bone. This spot also seemed sensitive and Sonny practically hummed with pleasure while Rafael worshipped it.

He moved even lower and closed his mouth around Sonny's erection. Sonny's hands clutched the sheets while Rafael pulled the most beautiful sounds from his lips. He engulfed it in warm moisture and carried it to the back of his throat as Sonny moaned his name. Nothing had ever been as intensely erotic for him as hearing his own name ripped from Sonny in sighs of pleasure. 

He used his tongue to torment Sonny mercilessly, one hand following the rhythm of his mouth around Sonny's cock, the other squeezing his balls and gently massaging him. "Oh, my God," Sonny breathed as he writhed under Rafael's touch. "Rafael please, I need... I need..."

Rafael raised his head and saw the look of raw need in Sonny's eyes, the sight making his already painful erection even harder. 

"Come for me Cariño…"Rafael whispered.

That's all it took to push Sonny over the edge and he exploded in Rafael's mouth, who swallowed every last drop of the nectar he would never have enough of.

All Rafael had to do was rub Sonny's leg three times with his painful erection and he felt his own body stiffen as his orgasm pierced through him.

He slowly came back to himself, out of breath and boneless. He saw that Sonny had turned his head into the pillow, tears being slowly pressed out of the corner of his closed eyes.

"Sonny," he said, overwhelmed by anxiety. He carefully removed himself from Sonny's body and slid up beside him. "Sonny, are you all right?"

Sonny turned to him, his eyes shining. "Yes," he whispered. "But...to think that I almost lost all that, that I almost lost you, it's overwhelming." he said breathlessly.

Rafael pulled Sonny towards him and pressed their lips together in a tender kiss. Sonny's hand came close to caress his cheek and he looked Rafael in the eyes, unable to believe the gift that had been given to him, like a new life. 

Rafael wanted to tell Sonny how he felt, to let him know how much he meant to him, but the intensity of the moment overwhelmed him the same way and all he could do was pull Sonny in his arms and hold him firmly.

Questions and answers would wait until tomorrow. All they wanted was the reassuring feeling of being safe and loved in each other's arms.

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you SarahCakes613 for the beta.
> 
> Let me know what you think, what moved you or not, what made you laugh or not, what made you cry or not. Whether it's here or on twitter. I always answer.


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